Great Grand Masti
Cast: Vivek Oberoi, Riteish Deshmukh, Aftab Shivdasani, Urvashi Rautela
Director: Indra Kumar
Warning: This story is not for the faint of heart; nor is it for people who care about Great Grand Masti spoilers. Like really? Spoilers for this movie, seriously?
It was a normal July morning in Delhi. Our protagonist woke up to an overcast sky after snoozing the alarm clock 7 times. Little did he know that with his each snooze, he was only delaying the inevitable.
It was less than 24 hours ago, when he, in a bout of bravery and sadomasochism, volunteered to watch Great Grand Masti. Fast-forward to the story at hand, he enters the theatre. Being the first day and first show, he expected more than the 15 odd people present there. But he paid no heed to that. He had a movie to watch.
The movie began badly enough with horrible double entendres and sexual innuendos that only garnished the horrible dish that was the lives of three sexually frustrated Indian men who could not help objectifying anything and everything with breasts. But he kept calm; after all, he had endured the first two instalments of the film franchise.
In fact he recalled having enjoyed the first movie a lot, given that he was only a thirteen year old schoolboy then, which is incidentally also the mental age of Vivek Oberoi, Aftab Shivdasani, Riteish Deshmukh and all the willing audience of the movie.
The fifteen odd people in the theatre kept laughing at all the dreadful penis jokes, as if on a cue. He started getting a little worried. How was this possible? The conspiracy theorist in him immediately informed him of a dystopian universe where humans were conditioned to laugh at toilet humour, homophobic jokes and objectification of women. He promptly dismissed that voice in his head: this would mean that the world is completely messed up and that could not be his reality. He convinced himself of that, though his own arguments were a little shaky. But things were about to get bad.
The director of the movie decided to use some ironic humour for a change. Riteish Deshmukh’s new domestic help turned out to be a bodacious babe with a very revealing cleavage. But the twist came in the form of the bai’s name. Shiney. Yes. Indra Kumar decided to make a joke Bollywood actor Shiney Ahuja, who had reportedly molested his domestic help. Not at all insensitive, right? And yet the 15 odd people around him continued to laugh like they were watching Family Guy.
Our protagonist was legitimately scared now.
As the movie progressed on, he shrunk inside his seat not being able to digest the fellatio jokes, the overtly unsubtle lassi innuendos and the stream of laughter that echoed inside the empty theatre. It was as if the ghost of regression was haunting him by possessing the people present there and then they hit the final straw: rape jokes.
It was a bittersweet moment for him because he saw two women walk out of the theatre at that juncture but it did not compensate the fact that the movie not only used rape jokes but also that they were not so much as jokes, but a humorous rape attempt on an elderly woman and also that it was funny to the audience.
When the movie ended, he felt violated. He ran out of the theatre and out of the mall and to his office where his colleagues tried to calm him down with a steaming mug of hot coffee and condolences. He had never felt this shaken after watching a horror movie.
In the end he realized that it was not the movie that scared him. It was a horrible excuse for a comedy that only the likes of Aftab, Riteish and Vivek could make happen. No. It was the whole idea that people found this funny that made him lose all hope in the world. He left soon after. He decided to dedicate his life to Pokémon GO.