Published On : Sun, Oct 11th, 2015

Decoding Divorce in multiple shades – Marital bliss or nightmare?




Vishnu Dikshit (name changed) got married to a girl much younger than his age. Within 6 months of getting hitched, he sensed his wife’s unusual attitude towards him. He could easily make out her wife’s disinterest whenever he would try to consummate their marriage. Things progressed in the similar fashion for the next one year. However what went unnoticed for him was his wife’s hidden affair back at her hometown.


One day when he returned home a day earlier than his scheduled outstation tour, the hell broke loose on him when he found another man in compromosing situation with his wife and that too in his own house. It was then she admitted to having an affair well before their marriage.

She disclosed that she was in constant touch with the concerned boy as she wanted to marry him but her family was unwilling for this relation outside their religion. She bowed down to her family pressure and consented upon their choice of boy. According to the girl, after her marriage she realised that it was really hard to spend life with the man she was not in love with! Wary of taking the issue in public, both of them mutually decided to break their wedlock, citing personal reasons and filed for divorce.


Swati Pande (name changed) hails from Balaghat in Madhya Pradesh. Two years back she was married into an extended Mishra family in Nagpur. Soon after her marriage she realised that she could not cope up with her in-laws as she found them bit too interfering.

However when she approached her parents with the problem, they only did what many parents believing in old school of marriage would do! They tried to pursue her to have patience and make her believe that everything would be settled in due course of time. But little did they realise what her daughter was going through. Her husband however remain out of town for most part of the month in connection with his business, while she stayed back with her inlaws.

Whenever she tried to share her problems with her husband she was only misunderstood. Things only worsened with the passage of time until one day she got a whiff of her husband’s affair with another women in Bangalore, the place he mostly heads for his so called ‘business trips’. To her shock she came to know that even her inlaws know very well about his affair. Unable to take this relation further, she eventually filed for divorce.

Case- 3

Madhavi Usgaonkar had been living in agony of domestic violence for the past 10 years. She would not call it a dowry harassment but still her husband along with her inlaws did abuse her for not getting ‘support’ for her jobless husband from her inlaws. The wordy dual would often result into physical abuse. Often she was badly beaten up and finally she decided enough is enough. At present she is separated from her husband and living with her two children. She also got a job and now does not want to return to her husband.

All the above cases seriously question the institution of marriage and throws open the burning issue of of increasing cases of divorce.

The issue crops up the debate on the reasons behind divorce ? Why a couple decide to take this extreme step ? It is a very  difficult decision.

Lack of commitment

As Swati Pande from case-2 puts up, “There is certainly a declining side of commitment.”

The Most common reason given for the divorce are lack of commitment, too much arguing infidelity marring too yours,  unrealistic, expectations lack of equality in the relationship lack of preparation for Marriage and abuse ( Physical, mental or Verbal ).

Sexual infidelity not the common cause

If you really think that sexual infidelity is the leading cause of divorce you’ve got it all wrong. According to a survey I discovered that the top reason for splitting is communication lacking between a couple.

Choice to say ‘I don’t’

In few days I met many divorced women who says the problems that made them leave the wedlock were there right from the beginning.  Madhavi Usgaonkar from case-3 says, “Everyone expects us to live happily ever after or we had already spent so much money on the wedding and many more. So just remember that when you say I do, you always have the choice to say ”I don’t” .

Explore the root cause

Relationship problems can be a cause of marital discord. I’ve found that there’s a combination of factors that lead to a divorce. It completely depends on your situation that differs from person to person.  It is very important to find out the cause of break up of your marriage. You need to explore the reasons that led you or your spouse to no longer wanting to be in marriage.

Fading Intimacy

After a small survey I realised that  intimacy disappears in couples which leads to misunderstandings and finally to divorce some where in a marriage there is a suitable change in the in timely department . Due person has an off -off day there’s a misunderstanding or someone doesn’t feel well. then there an idea that he isn’t as romantic as she isn’t as sexual. men generally needs sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women generally need romance to be sexual receptivity. even if one is missing out in this in timely it can lead to divorce.

These are the unmet expectation among couples.

All I could gather about a drassy marriage that it is maintained for reputation, social stigma, culture, society and no support. But is it all worth it?

.. By Mini Pal (Author is the renowned restaurateur and owner of famous food hangout Papa Pench Oye)