Sharing office gossip, discussing finances and friends, are common among couples. A relaxed chat in your living room sipping hot cups of coffee is a respite for most working couples, after a long tiring day.
However, trouble starts when the conversation moves from the living to the bedroom. While couples enjoy every topic on the earth, why is sex such a dreaded subject, let’s find out.
“The way the bar tender asks Bond how he likes his martini, stirred or shaken, that’s the way they talk about being intimate/sex there,” says Dr. Myaank Keswani, clinical psychologist. “However, talking about sex doesn’t exist in India, at least not for middle class couples. For us, the term ‘bedroom talks’ means sorting out personal differences that cannot be discussed in front of friends or family or some health and hygiene problems,” adds Keswani.
Most of us are stereotypes like Bosky Maniar Patel, who questions, “What’s there to talk about sex?” She further adds, “Not that I come from a traditional family who never allow their women to work outside or put a host of restrictions on them. I have done fashion designing and all said and done, I still can’t sex-talk with my husband. It’s embarrassing.” That’s what most couple feel when it comes to having such talks. They feel it is something so private that it cannot be discussed, like everyday issues.
“However, what they fail to understand is that this is one thing that creates major issues among couples, since they do not understand what the other wants,” points out Prantika Goswami, a marriage counsellor.
Prantika suggests sex-talk to most of the couples who come to her for pre-marriage counselling. “I advise couples to indulge in intimate talks, discuss what the other partner likes. Knowing each other’s likes and dislikes makes the relationship better. Couples who have a healthy sex life mostly have a healthy marriage, since it is a great emotional boost,” she says.
Let alone discussing positions and fantasies, couples don’t even discuss if they want to get intimate or not. “Women keep waiting for the men to make the first move, and they just get into the flow. I’ve hardly seen couples who talk and laugh about intimacy. Those who do are happier and have a better marriage. The reason being, both the partners are sexually satisfied, which decreases the chances of infidelity and they are also able to tackle issues amicably, as both of them have an equal share of say,” says Sadhana Patil, marriage counsellor.
As opposed to the stereotypes, there are some modern couples, who don’t just have intimate talks but also use the information to make each other happy, when in bed. One such couple is Raghu Subramanium and Vanya Jadhav, who openly talk about sex. “We even talk about it on chat, or send each other good reads on the subject that suggest that it’s good for health. Also, there are times when interesting pictures follow,” laughs Vanya. She adds, “Yes, many may argue that it is taboo, but we like to indulge in intimate talk since it strengthens our relationship,” adds Vanya.
by Srishti Ghosh Shinde published in TNN