By Hemant Kamdi, IFS
NAGPUR: In the middle of demanding careers, parenting responsibilities and the everyday demands of family life, finding exclusive time for each other can become surprisingly difficult for couples. For Hemant Kamdi, an Indian Forest Service officer posted in Nagpur, the answer turned out to be rather simple: one coffee date every Saturday with his wife, Sonal.
What began as an attempt to recreate the excitement of their college days has evolved into a cherished weekly ritual. More than 50 coffee dates in a year later, Kamdi reflects on how a simple cup of coffee has helped strengthen companionship, communication and togetherness in marriage.
From college canteen to Saturday coffee dates
From college canteen to Saturday coffee datesI still remember our graduation days. Once in a while, Sonal and I would get an opportunity to sit together in the college canteen, drink tea, eat some snacks and spend time with each other.
Both of us came from rural backgrounds, where regularly meeting over tea or going on dates was not very common. We also had careers to pursue and were serious about building our futures. Those meetings were rare, but I still cherish the memories.
The same love and excitement continued after marriage. But gradually, life became more demanding. Professional responsibilities increased, followed by two children, their schooling and parenting. Our parents were getting older and needed attention. We also had our own ambitions and aspirations for personal growth.
Everything was important. Everything needed time.
We were living together, managing the family together and doing several things together. But spending time together and spending quality time exclusively with each other are not necessarily the same.
I realised that we needed some time exclusively for ourselves, away from our routine responsibilities.
Our counsellor and life coach, Rashmi Rao Wahule, whom we connected with on LinkedIn, encouraged us to look at different aspects of our lives, including profession, family, finances, parenting, spirituality, self-growth and our relationship as a couple.
I felt things were reasonably balanced. We loved each other and had a happy married life. Still, I wanted us to relive those college days when we were young, enjoying each other’s company and looking forward to every opportunity to meet.
It was not about fixing something that was wrong. It was about making something already beautiful even more beautiful.
When good ideas don’t always work
When good ideas don’t always workRashmi suggested identifying an activity that both partners enjoy, something easy to do, and allocating a specific time and place for it.
My first idea was to exercise together every day.
I suggested to Sonal that we go for walks. We could talk, improve our health and make constructive use of our time. What could be better?
But there was a small problem. Consistency in outdoor exercise was not exactly Sonal’s forte!
For me, exercise and punctuality were important. We sometimes had different expectations about timing and regularity. My insistence occasionally led to irritation on both sides. The activity meant to bring us closer was becoming a reason for disagreement.
Clearly, something was wrong with my brilliant idea!
Then I tried another arrangement. I would go for a long bicycle ride, while Sonal accompanied me on her scooter. We could explore Nagpur and have breakfast together at a good restaurant.
Initially, I struggled with the idea of spending several times more on food that was often less healthy than what we could prepare at home.
Sonal had a different perspective.
One day, she told me, “Why do you want to define the lives of others by what you think is right? Somebody might like going to a restaurant also. And I like going to restaurants. So please don’t bulldoze your ideas into the lives of others.”
That made me think.
I wanted quality time, but I was defining it entirely according to my own interests. I enjoyed exercise and outdoor activities, while Sonal also enjoyed cafés and restaurants.
I gradually became more open to cafés and even an occasional cheat meal, especially after cycling 20–40 kilometres.
Still, with me on a bicycle and her on a scooter, we were together without necessarily enjoying each other’s company.
We needed something both of us would enjoy.
And that was how our Saturday Coffee Date was born.
Why Saturday became special
Saturday was particularly convenient. Sonal and I had a holiday, while our children had school. Sundays were already reserved for the children, especially outdoor activities and family outings.
So Saturday mornings became our time as a couple, while Sundays remained family time.
Once the children had gone to school and we had completed our respective exercises or household work, we would get ready and head to a coffee shop.
Just the two of us. One good coffee, perhaps some snacks, and time together.
For me, the date soon became Saturday’s foremost priority. Once my exercise was over, I was ready to leave. But weekends were also Sonal’s opportunity to attend to personal and household work left pending during the week.
The date was one among her priorities; for me, it was often the first. That difference sometimes tested my patience.
Initially, even our coffee dates were quite structured!
I would sometimes arrive carrying notes. Yes, notes for a coffee date!
I wanted to share what I had learned about myself during our life-coaching sessions, including my aspirations, expectations and areas for improvement. I also wanted Sonal to share her perspective.
So our romantic coffee date had a little flavour of a review meeting!
Fortunately, I soon realised that not every conversation needed an agenda. We could simply sit together for half an hour or an hour, drink coffee, look at each other, observe the surroundings and return home.
Gradually, I started enjoying these moments of doing nothing together.
Learning that equality doesn’t mean being identical
Have I given up on my wish to spend more time with Sonal? Not at all!
I still crave spending more time with her. I would love us to exercise, walk and explore outdoors together, synchronising more of our activities and schedules.
Some of my arrangements worked, others did not. Now I would love it if she initiated an activity herself.
Consistency is my forte. Acceptance is something I am still learning.
Sometimes our enthusiasm and priorities do not match, and I find myself getting impatient. There is also a feminist inside me who believes in equality. If we are equal partners, why should I always persuade her? Why do I sometimes expect us to approach these outings in exactly the same way?
Then I remind myself that being equal partners does not mean having identical interests, priorities or ways of expressing love. I am not a perfect human being either.
Even the seating arrangement at a café can bring out our differences. I prefer chairs very close, where we can sit comfortably, talk quietly and enjoy each other’s company. We sometimes have different preferences about where and how to sit, but we try to find a setting that both of us enjoy.
Perhaps I should keep courting Sonal throughout my life. The problem is that I often forget this!
I also wish I could crack jokes and make her laugh more often. Making her laugh spontaneously is something I terribly miss in myself.
When the children became the biggest critics
Initially, the idea of going on dates itself felt a little exotic.
We both came from village backgrounds where a husband and wife with school-going children regularly going out together on dates was not common.
Everyone in the family was understanding. Nobody objected.
The strongest objections came from our children!
“How can you go leaving us behind?”
They were jealous for two reasons. First, Baba was going out with “their” Mom. Second, perhaps more importantly, we were eating yummy food, including junk food they were not generally allowed to have at home!
Gradually, the family got used to our routine. Relatives avoided making overlapping plans, and we adjusted our assignments whenever possible.
When an urgent engagement threatened a Saturday, we developed a policy of early compensation rather than late compensation: go for coffee before Saturday if possible, or on Sunday or another day if not.
Sometimes it was just a customary coffee, without a special café or much conversation. But we had kept our date.
And sometimes, simply because we were in a good mood, we went more than once in a week!
The children also accepted our routine, occasionally demanding that we bring back something delicious.
Friends and relatives began asking, “How was your date this Saturday? Which café did you visit?”
Exploring Nagpur, one café at a time
Exploring new cafés became another small adventure.
Almost every week, we search Google, look at photographs and reviews, and select a café in Nagpur, preferably not too far away.
Fortunately, Nagpur has many good cafés, with new ones coming up. I enjoy good coffee, pleasant ambience and soothing music.
Sometimes we arrive at a carefully selected ‘new’ café only to realise we have visited it before!
We may forget the cafés, but that is because the café is not our real priority. Being together is.
Over time, we built a wonderful collection of photographs. Looking back, I realised that we had completed more than 50 coffee dates in a year.
But what happened over those cups of coffee was far more important than the number.
We talked about almost everything: our children, parents, relatives, careers, travel, our relationship, memories, dreams and shared plans for the family.
We discussed parenting, divided responsibilities and made important decisions. We also quarrelled!
There were emotional moments. Sometimes our conversations touched us deeply.
We could speak our hearts out without pretending that everything was perfect. Sometimes we hardly talked at all; we simply enjoyed the coffee, music, surroundings and each other’s company.
From questioning café expenses to loving good coffee
And then something interesting happened.
There was a complete reversal of roles. Initially, I questioned the need to spend money at expensive cafés. Now I am the one looking for beautiful ambience and excellent coffee!
Sometimes Sonal says, “Why spend so much? Let’s go to some ordinary café. We just need to talk, and that is possible anywhere.”
And she is absolutely right.
But I have developed my own love for good coffee. Sonal, too, looks forward to our dates, even if she is not always as particular about the timing as I am.
What began as a plan has become a routine, almost an obsession, perhaps even an addiction!
Sometimes I start inviting her for Saturday’s date on Friday itself. Occasionally, I write her a letter. Sometimes, even poetry!
A Saturday morning poem, with a little help from our son
On October 17, 2026, I woke up early and started writing a poem for her. It was around 6:25 in the morning.
Our son Kedar woke up, peeped into what I was doing and offered a suggestion when I encouraged him to contribute.
“Baba, please finish the poem with the same line with which you started, so that Mom doesn’t forget that today is Saturday and it’s one more reminder for her to join the coffee date!”
I loved his idea. And this is what we wrote.
❤️ शनिवार, कॉफ़ी और तुम! ❤️
To My Love, Sonal
17 अक्टूबर 2026 | शनिवार | सुबह 6:25 बजे
जानेमन, आज फिर शनिवार है।
हमको तुमसे प्यार है।।
करना फिर इज़हार है।
तकरार बिल्कुल बेकार है।।
जाना फिर एक बार है।
कॉफ़ी डेट का करार है।।
गवारा ना तेरा इंकार है।
सेल्फ़ी का भूत सवार है।।
एंबियंस का ख़ुमार है।
करनी बातें बेशुमार हैं।।
शौहर तुम्हारा तैयार है।
जाने को बेकरार है।।
इन्हीं यादों से ज़िंदगी गुलज़ार है।
तेरे संग जीना बार-बार है।।
जानेमन, आज फिर शनिवार है।। ❤️
— तुम्हारा हेमंत और केदार
There was a time when our children tried to stop us from going on dates because we were eating delicious food without them.
Now Kedar was helping me write poetry to convince his mother to join me for yet another date!
A lesson in work-life balance
Our experience also interested friends and relatives. Some wanted to try something similar themselves, which encouraged me to share it more widely.
On a few occasions, I spoke about our coffee dates during work-life balance sessions for Indian Forest Service officers attending mid-career training at the Indira Gandhi National Forest Academy, Dehradun.
They had completed around a decade of service, and many were likely balancing similar responsibilities at home and work.
I remember showing our photographs during one such session and later telling Sonal about it.
That brought another change: we started dressing up properly for our dates! We began choosing beautiful clothes so our photographs would look good and be worth sharing.
After all, if our coffee dates were becoming part of my presentations, we had to look good in those photographs too!
It added another small excitement to our weekly routine.
The coffee has changed, but the love hasn’t
The excitement of being with Sonal has always been there since our college days, and that will never change.
Only the tea has changed to coffee.
And the college canteen to a café.
The girl sitting across the table is still the same.
And so is my love for her.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hemant Kamdi, IFS, is a 2009-batch Indian Forest Service officer of the Nagaland cadre, currently serving as Senior Deputy Director at the Forest Survey of India, Regional Office (Central), Nagpur.
A forester by training, he has worked extensively in wildlife conservation, including the Amur Falcon Conservation Programme in Nagaland and a seven-year tenure with the National Tiger Conservation Authority. He is currently pursuing a PhD at Nagpur University in wildlife habitat management.
His interests include reading, trekking, fitness, public speaking and writing about nature and everyday life. He also speaks on work-life balance, time management, productivity and personal development.
Author’s designation: Senior Deputy Director, Forest Survey of India, Regional Office (Central), Nagpur | Indian Forest Service (IFS), 2009 Batch.
