Published On : Tue, Mar 10th, 2015

‘Empowered’ Woman or Aggressive, blackmailing woman?

It was very commendable that reacting strongly to the spate of dowry deaths and rising cases of daughter in law harassment our law makers brought in stringent laws to curb this cruelty. But in doing so they made the provisions totally anti-man and his family, which ironically consists of other women too, like his mother and his sisters, sisters in law etc. The word of the ‘wife’ and ‘bahu’ is considered gospel truth and the onus of proving his innocence is completely on the man. 

But an unfortunate fall out of this law with good intentions was that it began being exploited by some cunning women to blackmail gullible men and their families. A movie was made on this too by Yashraj films – called Dawate Ishque. Of course it being a Bollywood movie, it all ends very happily and love triumphs but it did dilute the main problem that can lead to tragic consequences for some.


Read the story of this guy called  Avadhesh Yadav, who tragically ended his life – to spare harassment to his parents and brother – which unfortunately might not stop at all. This is the excerpt from his suicide note written in Hindi. He took the tragic step on 25th February this year and his mother is still disconsolate. Naturally, no one highlighted his tragedy or wrote about his suicide note which ran into three pages! We are so focused on thinking of ‘woman’ as target in each and every case and sensationalizing it that we do not think holistically and imagine that a man can suffer at the hands of an unscrupulous woman too.


All Image Courtesy IBN7

All Image Courtesy IBN7

Here are excerpts from suicide note left by Avadhesh Yadav:

My name is Avadhesh Yadav and I work in a private bank. I got married to Unnati Yadav on December 7, 2012. Within a week of marriage, she started pestering my family by asking divorce for no reason. We ignored. She never allowed me to come close to her for 2-3 months after the marriage. My father advised that with time everything will be fine. But it got only worse. She started misbehaving with my parents, hurling abuses at them. When we complained about this to her family, they gave excuses of some “external influence” on her and they would get her treated. She now started going almost every day at her home and threatened us of a dowry case if we said anything.

In September 2013, she left my home. In December, my father was getting retired and he wished that his daughter-in-law should be part of this program. We signed a mutual agreement where she accepted her wrongdoings and promised to be cordial with the family and I promised to do everything possible to take good care of her. She came back only to harass us even more. She demanded that I leave my parents. Threats of dowry and domestic violence cases increased. Things came to a point where she left my home again in July 2014 with her entire belongings.

On advice of lawyers, we filed a case of restitution of conjugal rights, requesting her to come back. Three months after that in September, she filed a false dowry and domestic violence case (498A) on me, my mother, father, elder brother and his wife. We got bail. Her brother told me she wants to come back.

I refused saying now this was not possible and suggested that we get separated amicably. He refused and threatened me of false cases of molestation, rape on my father and brother and, acid attack on me and getting me killed. Unnati eventually filed a case of molestation in January on my father and brother and they were arrested. I don’t know what will this step of mine lead to but I want to save my family from all this humiliation. After I go, they would probably be in peace. I also wish to ask our law makers, how they can make laws that give so much credence to mere words of a woman that whatever the other person is saying has no relevance. Shouldn’t the other side be heard too? My father and brother were picked up by police on her statement alone without any evidence.

My family that never even saw a police station has to now do the rounds just because of me. Without any evidence we have been labelled Criminals. Nothing that Unnati wrote about dowry or violence is true. Authorities can investigate the veracity of her statements. They claim to have spent Rs 20 lakh on the wedding; can someone ask them where did they get so much money from? They are demanding that we transfer my father’s house in her name. A person who is making such demands before even living with me, what will she do later? I do not want to see my family in pain. I could think of no other way than this to save my family. Please help my family get out of this problem.

Mummy, Papa, forgive me please and take care of yourself. Please do not cry as tears in your eyes would trouble me even more. MY LAST WISH – PLEASE LEAVE MY FAMILY MEMBERS.

Avadhesh Yadav 

Unfortunately Avadhesh is not an isolated case. Many such unfold regularly and I am sure each one of us has heard some such happening: in Nagpur, in rural areas around Nagpur, in Delhi, Hyderabad, Banglore everywhere… When a  young female is hell bent on causing trouble and has a conniving family with her while doing it, they plan it all real well. They begin with mal intentions and often select the ‘target’ very carefully ( as has been shown in the movie).

If any normal guy, with honourable intentions, gets married to such a female life becomes  hell for him and all his family, like happened in the case of Avadhesh. They do not want to compromise and reach a settlement because their aim is exploitation and harassment.

The police, are also ‘bought over’ sometime; even if they aren’t the laws are made so that they HAVE to arrest the man and his family as soon as they receive a complain. Ironically, a law made for protection of women ends up targeting other women.

Is Avadhesh’ mother, who was put behind bars at an old age, not a woman? In another case in Hyderabad, a very well educated guy brought up by his mother single handedly since she is a widow was falsely accused by his ‘wife’. He lost his job, and he had to bear the pain of seeing his mother who had sacrificed so much for him being incarcerated without any fault of her’s. He finally settled with the girl and moved to another city to restart his life without this ill fame and shame hanging over him and his mother.

On days like 8th March we have to take stalk of all such cases too and not just delve on Woman emowerment’ in a linear way.

.. Sunita Mudliyar

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